Tag: marriage

A Book Review of Sheet Music by Kevin Leman

I’ve read many books on marriage over the years. I’ve also read quite a few on the subject of sexual intimacy within marriage. They have ranged from clinical (just the facts) to almost comical (quite humorous in over the top ways). In my opinion, this book deftly includes everything one needs to know (and should learn/read) when it comes to the sexual relationship in marriage. The author can be humorous without being graphic. He is frank without being foul.

All too often in Christian circles, the sexual relationship is not given the attention it should be given. I’m not certain the reason for this (although I have some opinions). While the worldling knows way more than it should know about the sexual relationship between men & women, all too often the Christian shys away from it. Why do we do this? Every Christian I know believes that sex has been authored by God. Every Christian I know believes that sex is a gift from God. However, in many cases, marriages are hindered or are dying due to a lack of knowledge/learning when it comes to the sexual relationship in marriage.

Leman threads the needle when it comes to this “hot” topic (it can be hot or cold depending on your marriage!). Although he gets quite specific (some readers may blush or get uncomfortable reading his book) about all things sexual within a marriage, in the first chapter, he lays some very important foundational truths about what is to come later in the book. For instance, he says this on page 10:

“While we’ll talk about the physical side of sex, my specialty is with what goes on in your brain and in your relationship. That’s where most marriages need to be healed first. Besides, the physical aspect will usually take care of itself if the relationship is healthy.”

Later on the same page he says this:

“A couple’s sex life is usually a microcosm of the marriage…most often, if the marriage is on the rocks, sex will follow it to the bottom.”

I agree wholeheartedly with Leman. In the counsels I have counseled over the years, I have seen this truth over and over and over again. A good, healthy marriage will beget, a good, healthy sex life. In matter of fact, I would suggest that one CANNOT have a good, healthy marriage without a good, healthy sex life and vice-versa.

Near the end of chapter one, the author makes this poignant statement and one each marriage couple needs to heed:

“One of the most loving and holy things you can do in marriage is to provide a sexually fulfilling pursuit of your husband or wife.” p. 17

Excellent, excellent material throughout the book. Chapter two contains POWERFUL truths that I rarely read in a book about this topic. It is entitled, “A Crowded Bed.” In the chapter, Leman masterfully shares that a spouse comes into marriage with more baggage than they realize. In other words, the husband and the wife bring ideas (good or bad), experiences (good or bad), and theology (good or bad) into the marriage bed that WILL guide their relationship including the sexual relationship they have. It is a MUST read and a chapter in which I underlined, marked up, and made many comments.

I could go on and on and on about this book and its contents. The chapters for “Men Only” and for “Women Only” were fascinating and quite helpful. Both my wife and I have been helped by this book and will use it to help many other couples. If you are married, get this book, read it and allow it to help you have a more satisfying intimate life with the spouse God gave you.

Happy reading!